“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23)
(In memory of my sister, Paulette Wells Cargile, on her birthday, which fittingly coincides with Valentines Day. This post is adapted from the eulogy I delivered at her funeral in 2007. While no words could ever adequately convey the love I had for her or the impact she had on so many, may they remind those of us who knew her best just how special she was. She is greatly missed.)
It’s been said that there are two kinds of people in this world- givers and takers. There’s no question that my sister, Paulette was a giver. After our mother’s death, she spent countless hours scanning photos from Mama’s large collection and assembling them into digitized albums for all her siblings. Her last gift to us was a very special DVD of the fondest memories of her life. I will be forever grateful that she was able to complete that project before her back pain became too severe.
When her daughter, Elaine informed me that Paulette had requested that I preach her funeral, initially I struggled to find the right words that would serve as a fitting tribute to her life. But as I watched that DVD on the day after her passing, observed the hundreds of photos she had scanned, and paid close attention to the songs she chose to play in the background as those pictures were displayed, I couldn’t help but notice how well it conveyed a clear sense of the values that defined her life. In a sense, through that DVD she preached her own funeral because she had given me just what I needed to start preparing my remarks.
She titled it “Paulette’s Album”, but she was not the central character. As you watch it, you quickly realize just how richly blessed she felt her life was, how many people she cherished, and how many lives she touched. As I listened to the background music she chose, I was reminded that Paulette’s life was packed full of love, joy, and laughter.
Two of the songs she chose were “I Hope You Dance” and “Life’s a Dance”. Paulette loved to dance. When we were growing up, she would try to coax me and my brother, Ronnie to dance with her. We rarely cooperated, but she didn’t let that stop her. When American Bandstand came on, she would grab the bedpost and dance all by herself.
In a lot of ways, I think Paulette saw life as a dance. She could relate to those lyrics, “Life’s a dance, you learn as you go. Sometimes you lead- sometimes you follow. Don‘t worry about what you don‘t know. Life’s a dance, you learn as you go.” She seemed to always take life as it came at her. When she had the choice to sit it out or dance, she danced, never allowing life’s inevitable ups and downs to change her outlook or cause her faith to waver in any way.
As we poured over those snapshots of her life, one thing was constant- she always had that familiar smile on her face. I call it her “Puddin” smile, referring to her nickname growing up. As I reflect on that unique smile, I realize that it was a genuine reflection of the joy that was in her heart. Paulette truly enjoyed life and the people in her life.
Especially evident in the last days of her life was the peace that was in her heart. Isaiah 26:3 says, “Thou will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in Thee.” (KJV) As it became increasingly clear that Paulette’s health was deteriorating far more rapidly than any of us ever anticipated, she remained calmer than any of us. When the doctor delivered the devastating news that she had an advanced stage of lung cancer, sensing all the implications of that diagnosis, she responded “Well I’ve had a good life.” And it was clear that her response was not a façade she painted for our benefit.
Paulette did not live in the past. As she pondered the prospect that her days were drawing to a close, there was no brooding over mistakes she had made or regrets that she didn’t accomplish all she wanted to accomplish. Peace like that is contagious. Driving home from the hospital after Paulette’s passing, my wife asked her daughter, Elaine how she was holding up. She responded “You know, I have a peace about it.” That kind of peace only comes as a natural byproduct of a deep, abiding faith in Almighty God.
Paulette demonstrated enormous patience and perseverance scanning and compiling all those photos. But the kindness behind that project and so many other selfless actions through the years are what I’ll cherish the most. Philippians 2:3-4 says “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” I can’t read that passage without thinking of Paulette. She truly had a servant’s heart.
I’ll also remember her good and gentle spirit. Speaking to wives in 1 Peter 3:3-4, Peter writes “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” Paulette was greatly treasured by all of us who were privileged to have known her, but more importantly, she was highly treasured by God.
Lastly, I’ll remember Paulette for her faithfulness. She was faithful to the Lord. She was faithful to her husband, James (affectionately known as Zorro). She was faithful to her children, Elaine and Teresa. She served faithfully as our mother’s caregiver in her last years. She was even faithful to cook a pot of my favorite butterbeans whenever I came home. And she remained faithful to the Cargile family after James’ death. In Rev. 2:10, Christ said “Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life.” Another star in Paulette’s crown- the star of faithfulness.
Those are the things I’ll remember about my dear sister- her love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. No matter the circumstances of her life, those traits were always evident. They came naturally because they were the fruit of the Holy Spirit who resided in her heart. (Galatians 5: 22-23) Paulette made God visible to a world desperately in need of the hope that only he can provide.
If good works could get you into heaven as so many people falsely believe, I’m confident she qualified. I believe when she met Christ face to face, she heard those words “Well done, good and faithful servant! … Come and share your master’s happiness!” (Matt. 25:21) But the Bible makes it clear that it wasn’t her works that assured her place in heaven today. “For it is by faith we are saved, and that not of works. It is the gift of God, lest any man should boast.” (Eph. 2:8-9)
For someone who was such a giver, she received the greatest gift available to mankind- the gift of eternal life based on her unswerving faith in Christ Jesus our Lord. She didn’t earn it and she couldn’t buy it. The price was already paid. All she had to do was step out in faith and accept it. And Paulette took care of that years ago.
The hope of her salvation and the source of her strength were both found in Christ alone. And His gift comes with so many fringe benefits for this life. Benefits like a very present help in times of trouble, direction for our paths, and the abiding presence of His Spirit. But the greatest benefit is the one Paulette enjoys today. She has entered into eternity with Christ. And I suspect that familiar “Puddin” smile on display in all those treasured photos pales in comparison to the one that is on her face right now.
Happy Birthday, Sis. I look forward to seeing you in heaven and reminiscing over the memories behind all those photos from our life here on earth. And maybe we’ll even dance again … if Zorro will only allow me to cut in!
In memory of Paulette, my brother, Ronnie, and all those loved ones awaiting us in Glory, enjoy <<“In Christ Alone“>>. For a genuine blessing, pay close attention to the lyrics and the Bible verses that accompany the presentation.
Note: Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture references from the New International Version (NIV)